My Immortal 2: Commented
by Ragged Mountains
Summary: Yes, you saw that right. Tara apparently decided to retry writing with a sequel to My Immortal. So, because I didn't want it to feel left out, I did a commentary of it.


**A/N: Well this Tara's retry at a story, it fails just as hard as the first My Immortal. Oh, there are only three chapters so this is basically a one-shot.**

***Disclaimer* I don't own Harry Potter (Yet) and own nothing of Tara's. (I would die of shame if I did.) I own no references that I may or not make and I own my comments.**

Tara's so called 'story'

**My Comments**

**.**

My Immortal: All that im livin for **I still can't believe that she re-did this.**

AN: fangz to everyon who liekd my fanfik My Immortal!** Who the hell liked it and what mental institution are they in?** i got mda at al da fukn prepz tat keept flamin it so i wnat 2 try agin! **So everyone flamed yet she writes a similar thing?** o nd m frend raven sed she gona halp me rit dis stry but she on vaction in engrand fo da week u rokk so had gurl 666!1** I'm so so sorry England, you don't diserve that.** no posrz alowd to red fis stroy!

ch. 1 **Tara's getting lazy, she didn't even type the word 'chapter'. I hope abreviations aren't going to be used, I won't understand anything!**

it hd ben a yer sens i was at Hotwrarts. i was so depresed becuz i mis all my frendz Draco Vampire B'Loody mary nd even Diabolo **Wait, what did her (I'm assuming this is Ebony/Enoby/Ibony talking.) freinds do to make her depressed? **so i ben slittin my rists. ut one dya i got a leter form hotwarts that sed dey waz havin anothr yer 4 al da sevnth yer studnets even tho that was da last yer and we gradueated. **There is no year eight.** te leter sed 'Der Enoby, this is Hogwarts sckool. u r invited to a 8th yer at skull itis only for goffs no prepz alowed." **So now Hogwarts=My personal Hell!** it wsa sined by Dumblydor so i now it wasnt a trap mead by poserz or prespp. **Wait, back up. *beep beep beep* I thought Dumbledore was both a poser and a prep to Ebpny?**

I got derssd exeededly ***start clothes*** i wore a a short black lether miniskirt, a black corset ting wif red lase on it, riped fishnet and cornbat boots wif mcr riten all over tem. i put on blak lipsitck wite fondation and red eyeshador and lots of black eylinger. **Run from the beast!** i then put my hair up so i loked like amy lee. i paked my bagss wif gc on them wif my black goffik close, cds of my favorte bands liek gc, mcr, marilyn mason adn all the ofer goff bnands and a galon of a human blood and my postr of GErard way. (he s soo hottt!11) ***end random stuff that no one cares about***

then i went to da buz. **Train. You take a train to Hogwarts. Unless the Hogwarts express ran away to avoid this story...** i kiled a fukin bicth prep on hte bus but i dint drink her blod cuz she wuz a prep and she suks! **Woohoo! First degree murder FTW!** then i gto on te trane to hotwarts. **Ah, you took a bus to the train to Hogwarts. Why did she not just apparate?** i wnet o my rom on the tranne. ***compartment in the train* **sum one nocked on the dor.

"go away!1" i cryed **Hmm, maybe i should restart the drinking game. All you readers, could your livers and kidney's handle it?** suicidly becuz i wantd o be alone.

they opend da dor neway and i gasped! ... it wuz Draco! is hairs was died (geddit lol) black and hes eyes wer red from his red contracts **So he looks the same as before then?** and he looked sexily at me just like Gerard way. **Pod people with mutations.** he was werin a blak P!ATD t-shirt and blak cagro pantz and lotsa mesy blackk eyliner. i got so hott for him i got an orgy! **TMI**

"O MY SATAN!" i cryd **Ya know, the drinking game will continue. That means two shots everyone.** wetly and i ran at him. he stratd to cry **Another drink! Wow, up to three already.** and he hold me.

***Here Tara tries another sex scene*** "ENOBY!1" he stared discreently and he sratred to french me. he used his hands to tayke my shit **THat is so so so wrong. **of and i startd to take his close of him to. he had black nalpolish on his nailz just like mines. **WHO CARES****? **His thingie got al hard an elected **Elected to what?** and he tok my black leather thong ***shudders* Why would that even exist?** wif blak lace of and he put hes election insid my you-no-wut!

"OH Draco! DRACOO! O FUKIN DRACO! OH" i creemed sexily as a begin to orgyed.

"Enoby Oh OH FUKC YEA EBONY!" he exploded.** Well clearly Tara still can't write a lemon.**

Den we feel alseep. wen we wok up we wer at Hotgwats and i coud see Dumblydore standin out der waitin for all of us to get ot. we left da trane.** Hagrid waits for the train and only takes the first years. Grr face.**

me and Draco went to a big grop of goffs and everyfing and we saw Vampire standing tere. ***clothes*** he hada black lether jacksom on wit a blak simple plan t shirt under it and he wore blak baggy pant and vans form da worped tower. ***end clothes***

"Hey Vampire." i sed to hem as i smelled hapily.** So she walked up to him and sniffed him happily? That sounds like something that my dog would do.**

"Hi Enoby!" he cryd as he came nd huged me. draco din't mind cuz he new we al mised each otha! **Oh Ebony is still dating Malfoy? I lost track of what was going on in the first My Immortal.**

Then we saw B'loddy Mary. she wuz werin a short black lether dres that was al riped at the end wit blod red fishnet stuckings and big blak lether boots wif skuls on dem.

we al went to c dumblebum. hes bred was died blak **His bread was black? that doesn't sound healthy... I hope Ebony eats it.** and he had a looong clok dat had avril lavinge on it.

"welcum bak!1" he sighed loudly at evry1. "evry1 wil be sharin da saem roms as last yer.

so we al went bak to r old dorms. my blak coffin wit lace and pink velvet **Yes, very goth.** on da inside was stil der so i unpaked and put my postr of dat sexbom Gerard way over my coffin. den i wnet to bed. **This is truly a gripping story. i wonder what happens next?**

* * *

AN: u kno wat im not guna bothr reding all da coments u prepz ar leving me! **Most people won't bother reading this story.** if ther ar an goffs tat rite coments den u all rok so fukin hard! **Please, goths probaly flame you too.** also my frend raven sed she dosent want 2 help rite my story **Gee, I wonder why?** so dont complan dat i spel bad cuz she usd to help corect my riting! **0.0 Before was edited? How bad will this get?**

ch. 2

when i wok up da next morning i got suprised by sum1 standin in fornt of my coffin! it was... SNAP!1 **I guess Snap has replaced Snape and is still a pedo.**

"SNAP!" i scremed madly "wy ar u bak at howgrats?" **He is there to exterminate Ebony! Please let that be it!**

"hehee!" snap cockled nad came at me wif a steak. **MWA HA HA! I was right! Now we shall see Ebony killed by meat! **"Dumblydor had 2 hir me bak cuz Proffessor Slugbern died in a sallt mine **Why in the name of all that is candy was Slughorn in a salt mine? Maybe it was really a coal mine and in an AU Slughorn is Katness's father. ** n now im da potion proffessor agen!"

Snap rased da steak **YES!** ovr me as i scremed goffikally. **I still don'y gey how you scream 'goffically', am I the only one?** "dis tim im not guna let u get in my way!1" he sed menly.

"CRUCIOUS!" a voise yelld angrilly. **NO! Ebony is still alive. *sobs*** Snip fel n statred scremin cuz hes waz bein tortured! i loked 2 se dat the perosn who did da spel was Vampire! i ran to hem sexily. ***groans* Not this again. **i waz werin my MCR t shirt dat i slep in an a blak leather thong. **Ow...**

"Fangz for savin me Vampire he waz guna kil me wif a steak!"** Still not clear how you can kill someone by wacking them with meat but whatever! **i huged him angstyly** I don't think you can hug angstly. **and he blushd.** Wasn't Vampire/Harry a vampire? Because then he couldn't blush. Then again maybe he isn't, it's so hard to keep track of who's human and who's a vampire.**

"don wory abut it, i herd Snipe waz bak an i wanted 2 mak sur u wer ok." he sed as he put his wnad away. Snap got up n ran away an we lafed at him lol! **No, Vampire is defiantly a vampire. I remember him jumping on some innocent Hufflepuff and drinking their blood. Now that I've dealt with that, how is Snape running after being crucio'd?**

"Fangz agen." i sed. "im guna get dresed now so u shud go. ill see u in da Gret Hall ok?" he noded an left da rom. I changd in2 a blak leather minidress wif blak lace, blak fishnets, **From now on we'll just assume that everything is black.** a pentagrem necklace and high-heel boots wif skulls on dem. i put on white foundation black lipstik an blak eyeliner. **Did the eyeliner streak down your face and make you look like a zebra?** den i went 2 the Great Hal.

Wen i got ther i sat down an i ate my Cunt Chocula wit blood in it. B'loody Mary and Crabe an Goyle and Diabolo and Darkness an Dracula wer alll ther. **Random Fact: Count Dracula is based on an actual person called Vlad the Impaler due to his habit of mounting his enemy's heads on pikes.** I smelled happily _**The hills are alive, with the scent of happieness!** _cuz it was nice 2 not hav any fukin prepz arund especiuly dat fukin prepy bitch Britney **Who is clearly friends with Tara.** but i waz angry dat Snap waz bak. den Draco came an set next to me.

"hey." he sed sexily. he loked all hott and sexy just like Gerard Way. ***eyeroll* Who doesn't?** he was wering a blak goffik Marilyn Manson shirt wif black Convress shoes an lots of messy eyeliner. **Ick.**

"hey." i sed flirtily at him.

"Enoby wuts rong wif u?" **Many, many, many things.** he asked goffikally. he new somfin waz rong wit me so i told him abot wut hapend dis mourning. (lol geddit?) **Kinda, I clearly need help. I almost found that funny.**

"Draco Snop is bak at da skull an he came in my room wit a steak an tryed to kill me!1"** I can picture Snape creeping through the halls with the Pink Panther theme music playing in the background.**

WUT!" Darko yelled madly. "DAT FUKIN SNAP!1"

"I no rite? but den Vampire came and he used crocius at him and we laffed at him." i sed. "Hey dat reninds me were is Vampire?" **Vampire was killed by Canon!Harry who is now plotting your demise Ebony.**

Just then Vampire came runnin in2 da Gret Hall and sat next to us. **H****e did no such thing, I just said that he was killed by Canon!Harry.** he loked al hot n sexah wif his blak eyeliner and messy blak hair. He sed hi 2 us an we sed hi bak.

"Hey Eboby and Draco clas is gunna be startin soon and gess wut are 1st class is... Potionz!" he cryed **Drink!** menically.

I froned sedictivelly. **I think that was, "I frowned seductively."** "I dont wanna del wif dat posr Snip agen!" **So apparently Snape=Snap=Snip=Snop** Drako put hes arm arond me an frecnhed me. "Dont worry Enoby ill mak sure dat Snap dosen't mess wif u." I smelled at him **Dammit Ebony, stop smelling people!b**an den we al left to go 2 class.

AN: lol gud i c dat u prepz lizzend 2 mi n dint flam me dis tim!1 fangz 2 da goffik pepl hu kep redin u al rokk 666! i promiz dis chapta iz rely gud itz ova 1000 wordz i woked rely hard on it! o ya i mad a pol sp u can vot if ur gotfik or nut! if u say ur a prep den GTFO!1 **Sorry what? I didn't get a word of that.**

* * *

ch. 3

We all got 2 da clasroom and Snope wasnt der yet. i sat next 2 Vempire and Draco. draco waz stil pissd dat Snap tryed 2 kill me. **One would think that the victims of this story would be pleased**. He loked so fokin sexah all mad an angsty i almos had an ogresim but den Snape came in da room and every1 gaspd! Snap waz wering a loooonng blak cloaca wif Gren Day on it. Hes grteasy blak hair had blue streks in it. Snap waz tryin 2 b goffik!111 ***sigh* Snape is the closest thing to goth that the canon series has.**

"SNAP Y DA FUK AR U TRYIN 2 BE A GOFF! UR A FUKIN POSR!" I scremed suicidlly at him. **What does that sound like?**

Snop srated 2 cum at me and Draco an every1 stod up in mi defens,** WHY?** but den Snap began cryin **Drink!** tearz of blood!

"Ebony sinse Loopin waz sent 2 Azkbahkain iv ben depresed and lonly **Lonely? Who ships Remus and Snape? You weirdos...** so i startd cutin my rists an I becmae goffik." Snopa **Snop's sister** weept ferblently. I almots felt bad for Snap but den i remberd dat he waz a pedo an tryed to kill me dis mourning. "O ya well wat abot dis mouring wen u tryed 2 kill me wif a steak?" **Someone should really tell her that the word is 'stake'... **i shreked sexily.

""i dont no wut i waz doin Enoby i swer! i got so mad dat its ur falt Loopin is in Aznbkhan dat i wnated u ded. But den i rembred dat u no wat its liek 2 sufer in pain an i felt so bad 4 u." **Oy vey.** Snap cryed **Drink!** suicidly an he loked at Vampire. "But den YUO had 2 cum an use Croiso on me so i coudnt tel Enogy!"** Egg nog? **Vampire loked sedly at Snap. "Im sory Snap i didnt no..." "Whateva im not mad at u anymor Vimpire." sed Snap. "lets jus foget dat hole fing ok? i got a clas 2 teach." **Yes, let's all forget the attempted murder and torture that went on.**

Snap went 2 his dsek and got a book out. "Ok todey we r goin 2 lern how 2 meak a poiton so yor skin wil always b pale. ***facedesk: level 30* **Dis is gud so we dont haf 2 wory about putin on whit foundation all da tiem." He got ot a biiiiiiiig black caldron an sum botles of stuf. "Da ingredints well need is... **_Eye of newt and toe of frog/ Wool of bat and tongue of dog/Adder's fork and blind worm's sting/ Lizards leg and owlet's wing! _Wow, that was from memory. (song is Double Trouble fromthe third movie.) **1 bottle of bloddy tears form a vampire, a eye from a ded coprse, da wings of a raven, sum wichhavel rot, and da blood from a sarcifise. Snap went under his desk and puled out a sluty prep. she waz cheined up and was werin a pink polio tee wif hanah mantana on it and ugleh brite yelow jeans wif pink harts on da botom. "ok clas kum up 2 da desk so we can all kill da sakrfice." **I bring a sacrifice for thee, Master!**

We al walked up too Snip and he gav up all a nives to stab her and viles 2 colect da blood in. we all took turns stabin da prep as she scremed and blood cam out of her moth Eww. and we colected it. Oncw we wer don Snipe thru her ded body out da window. It fell in a dumster and a tresh man tok it away. **D'aww, look at the little psychopath 's in their Murder Made Easy class. **Den we went bak to or sets and put all da stuf in caldrons. A big puff of smok dat was sheped lik a skull and crosbonez exploaded from dem. _**Double, double, toil and trouble/ Fire burn and cauldron bubble!/Double, double, toil and trouble/ Something wicked this way comes!**_

"good job evry1 dat mens it workd." Snap sed plesigly. 'Now u just need 2 drink sum and u wil be pale forevr." **Let's hear it for melanin deficiencies!** I drinkd from my caldron and sudenly my hole body felt all stronge and tinglin. i loked at mi handz and saw my skin turn porselin white. **That would be creepy looking.** Da same fing hapened 2 evry1 else to. Snap luked plzed at us. "Gud job u al get A's 4 today. U r dismised!" we all left da classrom happily cuz now we wer all pale 4eva! **How is that good? I'm pale and thrilled if I can tan and not burn.**

Draco loked at mi up and down. "Wow Enoby u look so fukin hott your skin iz so white and pail now more den b4. You are da most beatiful vampire in da hol world Enoby..."** I want to throw up and don't know what to say. **He blushd** HE IS A VAMPIRE, HE CAN NOT BLUSH! **sxily at me. "Fangz" i sed sedictivly to him. He waz so much hoter now 2 i got all turnd on and he did to.

Just den B'loody Mary came up 2 me. "Hey bitch u look kawai." **I have teh anger.**

"Fangz. u look fukin kawai 2." i sed. ***shakes head*** She loked realy beutiful and goffik. she waz wering a blak lether dress wif black laace on da bottom and a black leather corset and sum fukin awsum blak and red lether kneehigh bootz. **Do these people only own leather and lace?**

"Hey u wana cum watch Coroline wif us? **That movie is weird!** Me and Darkness **I thought that that was your middle name?** ar guna hav a girls nite and ur invited." (oh mi god did u gaiz c dat movie? it waz so fukin awsum u shuld realy go se it if u didnt!)

"Oh mi fukin satan i luv dat movie!1" i contortd excededly. **Contorted like a pretzel? Again?**

"ill see u l8r den Ebony." Draci sighd goffikly. i turnd at him. "Sorry Draco i promiz ill spend time wif u 2 ok?" Draco smelled **Enough with the sniffing! **happily at mi and kissed me passivley ***raises eyebrow* I feel the excitment and passion.** and ran off.

We al went 2 da girls dorm and Darkness **Once more, was that or was that not one of Ebony's middle names?** was there wif Luna Luvgod but we cal her Twilite now. **Oh HELL NO! Luna is like one of the coolest Harry Potter characters of all time. Leave her alone!** (AN: no not like da fukin buk dat buk is shit cuz only posrs red it and it maks fun of vampirs!111 VAMPIRES DONT FUKN SPRAKLE!11111 **I have to agree, no self respecting anything-that-is-not-a-fairy sparkels.**) She moved 2 Syltherin and becam a goff and a satanist aftr her dad comited suicide and raped her becuz her mom got kiled in a experimint. **Her mom died in an experiment? Holy f***ing hell! A canon fact! ** she was wearin a blak leather mini and a black corset wif ripped up stuff on it and pointy blak boots. Her blond hair waz died (lol geddit died cuz i like deth) blak wif red streks in it. "Hey cunt" she sed 2 me goffikly. ***sniffle* Luna...**

"Hey." i sed bak. "ar we gunna watch da movie now?"

"Ya i just put da dvd in" sed B'loody mary and she hhanded us all sum 3d gogles 2 watch da movie. **Is that movie even in 3D?** (My fav part iz wen da other mothr turns in2 da spider fing! it waz so fukin awsum!111) After da movie we srtated 2 mosh to sum mcr songz so we blasted da music realy load. All of a suden Dimbldore burst thru da dor on his broom and yelled "WAT R U DOIN U GODAMN HOLIGANS?11 DAT MUSIC IS 2 LOUD NOBUDY CAN SLEP!1111" **W****hat is 'slepping'?** Dumplydore tok da stereo and scremed pissivly **pissed+passively= pissivly i assume.** "I am takin dis until u lern yor leson! NOW GO 2 BED!11" and he stromtroopered ***gigglesnort*** away wif da stereo!

"wtf is rong wif him? **He's in this story.** Dat waz MY stereo he tok!" i flumed madly. "Im not gunna stand for dis. I am getin my stereo bak from Dumblybum no mater wat!11" I went 2 da dor but Twilite stoped mi. "Wait Enony u cant go yet hell no u wil b tryin 2 get it bak! wait until hes sleepin." she sed. "Your rite..." i sighed suicidly. **WTF?** "Dumbldore is an old men so i bet hell go 2 bed soon."

So i sat in a big blak leather char and wated until 12 o cloc midnite wen i new Dumpledoer was asleep. **I bet it was a black spinny office chair and that Ebony was petting a cat while cackling. **Wen da clok stroked 12 i got up goffikly **How do you do that?** and heded 2 da door. "Ok I'm goin to get mi sterro bak,." Darkness **Darkness is your middle name!** and B'loody mary an Twilite al wished mi luck as i left da rom I sneked hurridly out in2 a coridor. Sense it late no else waz arund so i ran qickly. But all of a suden i herd a meow cum from behind me. **Meow. Purr purr purr.** Nr. norris and Flith wer cumming!11 **Ack! The images!** So i hid behind a big statu of Satan and watched. Filth caem from da next coridor and meows loadly. he sniffed and loked arund, and I got worrid he new i was hidin. Mr. Norris came after Flicth and sed "Wat is it Filth? Do u smel sum1 snopin around?" Flith meowed at him in aproval. **I think that that's a little twisted... Did they swap bodies or something?** Da cat stated to walk toward da statue and i panicked. He must be able 2 smel muh new perfum "Ragdull" from da Nitemare befor Cristmas!111 ***facedesk*** I looked arond and noticed a dor behin me so i ran 2 it and closed it quitly behind mi and loked it. **Does this seem very fammilar to anyone else?**

"Dat was a clos one..." I sighed suicidly **She sighed how?** 2 myself. I loked at da room i was in but it was all dark and goffik. Sum candls on da walls lit up and I cold see sumfing shiny in fornt of me. I waked up 2 it catiously, confuzed at wat it was. I got close 2 it and relized dat it was a miror wif da word "Erdised" witen on top of it. ***le gasp* It's the mirror of Erised! I bet whatever Eboony sees can give us nightmares.** It was pained black wif red stuf and goffik metal spiks on it.

"Y is dis miroir in dis room...?" i sed goffikally 2 maself and loked closely in2 it. insted of seein myself in it I saw... dat fukcin preppy bitch Britney!111 **Ha ha! Proof that Tara is friends with a Brittany!** She was smelling evilly and a buch of other preps wer standin behind her wif torqces an pithforks and sins that sed "NO GOFFS" all over dem. All da prepz wer heded rite for Hotgworts! ***blinks* I'm sure that in my commentary of My Immortal I** **made a joke about hunting people down with torches and pitchforks. Weird.** I got scared "Why is dis miror showin me dis?" i cried **Drink!** suicidly but sudenly da prepz went awy an da mirrir showed sumfing else. **Your face?**

Now it showed me wif Draco and Vampire, and we wer all smelling happily.** Can you see them all sniffing flowers and grinning? Does it burn you as much as it burns me? **But den sum1 in da bakround came and pushed dem away form me and tok mi away! And den it showd... Voldimort. He cockled evily and exploded in2 a bust of flamz and da mirror wet blank agen.** She clearly needs help. Hey Link listen- Opps, wrong fandom. Hey look! I finished!**

**A/N: Review! Come on, I know you really want to! If you have anything that you want to see commented just tell me!**


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